Playing For Keeps

so, ive recently found myself thrown back into the dating game. its a scary thing, like really scary. ive found myself thinking way back to when me and brittany started dating. i try and try to remember every little detail so i dont make the same mistakes again, but no matter how hard i try i always will forget. there are so many memories i never wanted to let go of and am surprised with how little i remember. but at the same time i remember so much. i remember our first date and how i was too scared to hold her hand, i remember the first time i kissed her. i even remember the first time when i was holding her in my arms and realized that i loved her. i truly loved her with all my heart, and after everything, everything she put me through the heartache and the pain i still cant get over her. so this brings me to the question, what is love? did me and brittany share love for eachother? is what i feel for her now love? did i ever truly love her? have i ever truly loved anyone in my life? does true love really exist or do we just "live with what we get"? these thoughts have kept my mind very occupied lately, which can be a bad thing, sleep deprivation is not fun. i have yet to come to a conclusion on any of these questions and quite honestly i will probably never figure most of them out. i know most of you will tell me that you love me, which is all well and fine, we are family and all but that still doesnt answer my question. is love a feeling you get? is it wanting to spend every waking second with someone? is it a calming sensation? or can you feel it at all? i dont think i could have a relationship without fully understanding love, which leads me back to the whole dating thing. why should i try and date when i know im not ready for it? help me understand. you all are a very opinionated group so im sure yall have some suggestions. talk, im listening.(for once, but dont get used to it)




(i hope this all makes sense. again im really tired.)