So it would seem that no one know the answer to last posts song. Well the hint is, I've used the band before. As for this song, it should be rather simple to figure out. Good luck.
Have you ever felt like you were in a bad dream and you couldn't wake up no matter how hard you tried? I can say that I have. In fact, I've felt like that for the last 7 months. I keep trying to tell myself that its all a bad dream and I will wake up with Brittany in my arms and school going great and no problems at all. But then I get what those in the biz call a reality check and I realize its the exact opposite these days. For those who don't know(everyone but John Marshall, Mom, and Dad) I'm not taking any classes this semester. I have been kicked out of the dorms and am now living out of car. Luckily I have Awbrey and Amanda who are willing to let me sleep on their floor and use their shower. It's a long story as to how this all happened so here goes. I applied for a student loan and with the help of my extremely gracious mother was approved for one. It was approved right around a week and a half to two weeks before classes started. I figured I was good, wrong. I move into the dorms and have all the classes I want to take picked out, now all I have to do is wait for the check to come in. No big deal, wrong again. A week into classes starting I still hadn't received the check. So I call the loan bank to see whats going on, they tell me they are still waiting for conformation from the school. So I call the financial aid office of the university. They proceed to tell me that they are 2 weeks behind on getting those conformations out, I tell them that I can't take classes without that check and they tell me all we can do is wait and it will get done. So I ask if there is a way to speed it up and of course there isn't a way. So now we play the waiting game, all while I'm missing out on class. Then on Sept. 12 I get off work and am going to get into my dorm and my card won't let me in. Odd, I think to myself, so I end up waiting for someone else to go in so I can follow behind them. I go and check my school e mail and sure enough there is a letter telling me I have to leave the dorms by the 12th since I'm not taking any classes. Which is their fault. By this time I'm pissed. So I wait for monday and call them. There is still nothing they can do and I do have to leave the dorms. Nothing I could say or do could convince them that it was their fault and they are f***ing me over. Just kept telling me that I have to leave unless I could pay. So obviously I left, and now I don't know what I'm going to do. Just have to wait it out I suppose. So when I'm home for my birthday for over a week, I don't want to have to tell the story over and over. If you ask I will just tell you to read my blog. But anyways, can you understand why I wish I was just having a bad dream. Hasn't been the greatest 7 months of my life. But when you are as low as I am you can only go up, right? Thats how I will look at it anyways. Just have to keep plugging along.
Oh, and another thing. Why do my thoughts always bring me back to Brittany? Can you tell me why that is Crystal? Why do I think if I was still with her things would be different? I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I can't let go of the hope in the back of my mind that we will be together again one day even though I know it won't happen. I just can't let go..... I want to but I'm too scared to let go completely. Maybe I just need more time. Only one way to find that out, I'm sure this isn't the last you've heard of this. Sorry you have to read about this but like Elizabeth said this is more for yourself than it is for others. I'll be glad to look back on all this when its over and be able to laugh at myself for fretting over such small problems.
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2 comments:
Don't have a clue about the song title. Sorry. But, I will encourage you that you know the answers already. It does just take time, of course, time paired with effort on your part to move on with life. You will still think of her. She was a huge part of your life. But, if you find other people to hand out with, fill your time with other things, you will s.l.o.w.l.y. begin to see a difference. It just takes time.
*taking off my psychologist hat*
In other news, I found this for you and thought it was interetsing and worth your time!
http://www.ccccd.edu/ps/prospectivestudents.html
and
http://www.ccccd.edu/downloads/catalogs/CollinCollege20082009Catalog.pdf
Page 9
and
http://www.grayson.edu/pdffiles/Tuition%20and%20Fees.pdf
It is helpful to have supportive family close by. You can always go back there to finish the BS or BA, whichever it is you are seeking.
Although living out of your car for a semester would be an interesting story to tell as an old man.....
Can you tell me why that is Crystal? Why do I think if I was still with her things would be different? I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I can't let go of the hope in the back of my mind that we will be together again one day even though I know it won't happen. I just can't let go.....
If I knew, my own blog wouldn't be riddled with the same questions. It has to do with a broken heart. It hurts and like all wounds it takes time to heal. And thinking it would be better is just wishful thinking, you are in a bad situation and you remember when it was better, and it just so happens that it was better when you guys were together. But just like it's not your fault that she cheated on you, its not her fault that you are in the situation you are in now. And there is nothing she could do to make it better. Take some time when you find yourself thinking it would be better with her and ask how? How would all my problems go away if Brittany were still my girlfriend? And when the inevitable answer "it wouldn't" comes, it will help you think of other things.
Keep yourself busy. Work, study, read, don't let yourself sulk or feel sorry for yourself (even tho you have every right to) for too long. Get up and do something.
I also agree with ~e, come home. go to Grayson for a semester. OR two. Get in line with where the Lord wants you to be in your life. Not where you want to be. It's hard to do, but Jonah spent 3 days in the belly of a whale being humbled, so it could be worse.
And next semester you could be back at Tech (or on your mission) and everything would be good. It will still be hard, school is hard, but it will be easier with His help.
This I testify to you, I know, I've been in very hard situations, I've cried out, "WHY?" and "What the F**K?" and in the end it was faith that brought me back. Faith that there is a purpose and a plan for my life, one that I can not see because I can not see the big picture.
I haven't said these things to you because I don't want you to think I'm preaching. I know when I was having a hard time and people would start talking about God I would get so mad, because I thought, this isn't about God, this is about me. I respect your decision to leave the church (I did for a while). I just want you to know that there is a Supreme Being who loves you and has a plan for you.
And I love you too.
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