so, ive recently found myself thrown back into the dating game. its a scary thing, like really scary. ive found myself thinking way back to when me and brittany started dating. i try and try to remember every little detail so i dont make the same mistakes again, but no matter how hard i try i always will forget. there are so many memories i never wanted to let go of and am surprised with how little i remember. but at the same time i remember so much. i remember our first date and how i was too scared to hold her hand, i remember the first time i kissed her. i even remember the first time when i was holding her in my arms and realized that i loved her. i truly loved her with all my heart, and after everything, everything she put me through the heartache and the pain i still cant get over her. so this brings me to the question, what is love? did me and brittany share love for eachother? is what i feel for her now love? did i ever truly love her? have i ever truly loved anyone in my life? does true love really exist or do we just "live with what we get"? these thoughts have kept my mind very occupied lately, which can be a bad thing, sleep deprivation is not fun. i have yet to come to a conclusion on any of these questions and quite honestly i will probably never figure most of them out. i know most of you will tell me that you love me, which is all well and fine, we are family and all but that still doesnt answer my question. is love a feeling you get? is it wanting to spend every waking second with someone? is it a calming sensation? or can you feel it at all? i dont think i could have a relationship without fully understanding love, which leads me back to the whole dating thing. why should i try and date when i know im not ready for it? help me understand. you all are a very opinionated group so im sure yall have some suggestions. talk, im listening.(for once, but dont get used to it)
(i hope this all makes sense. again im really tired.)
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7 comments:
infatuation is obsessive
lust is fleeting
love is unconditional
I could say more, but come over instead. we'll talk.
Just because you love her doesn't mean she's the only one you'll ever love. you can love more than one, especially when you don't have a choice (she made the choice) but it takes time. And the only way to get there is to put yourself out there. You will always have memories and feelings for her, but they will lessen with time if you move forward in your life.
I also have trouble putting myself out there. I don't think I'm ready. Everytime I think I am, I realize I'm not. So, I'd rather be alone... do you want to be alone?
The title was from Matchbook Romance.
In my experience love is something that never stops growing with both people, and it's obvious that while you did love her, your best love is still yet to come with someone who will always love you back and you will both always grow in it.... however sappy that may sound.
Funny I was going to say something similar to what Danyl said.
You might not know it but there was a guy I met at school before One that I thought I might marry. Obviously I didn't, but I was really upset when our relationship didn't work out. ~e is right, it gets better with time, and I still think of him sometimes, but it's only for nostalgia reasons, or just wondering how he's doing. Give it some time, it'll get better, I mean can it really get worse?
I want to know who told you that you could ever truly understand ANYTHING. Did you truly understand everything about taking showers before you started....I doubt it, but you still do that fairly regularly. Do you understand completly what happens when you sleep? No but you do that without question. Do you have any kind of realization as to the infinite amount of healing your "heart" can withstand. The reason you can't remember everything about your relationship is because your heart is moving on and is ready for something new. It is a natural course. Of course you will always have a few special memories of the first time you realized you could love someone, but how great will the memories be of the next person you love or the person you find to love forever? I am not going to tell you to get out and start dating someone seriously, but at least go on a date, meet someone new, find someone else to fill the energy you are wasting. In other words.........get the F*** up and stop dwelling on the past. Call me.
Its interesting... love is so so very subjective..
It is based on our experieneces.. our enviorment.. and our associations..
Love as "queen~e" stated is unconditional.. but it seems that the defintion is becoming a farce..
Also, some are more readily able to give themselves in whole to a relationship.. while others are only capable to provide a part.. be it reasonings of inhibition.. fear.. and possibly a misunderstanding of themselves.. or even the relationship that they share..
I am contemplating these thoughts as well..
lol.. I am trying to become more... "open" but the difficulites are immense.
I agree with john marshall... it is improbable let alone impossible to gain an understanding in full of one subject matter..
For imagery purporses I give this example..
A puzzzle. consisiting of one singular image.. yet each piece is determinatant on the understanding of the image.. and its meaning.. to provide an "larger" picture if you will.
Each of our own personal ideals.. behaviors are represented by a piece of the puzzle.. Our associations.. eviorments.. and past experiences create the other puzzle peices.. In cohersion.. we are capable of understanding the whole "ideal" but not without the supplemented ideals/behaviors of those who surround us..
I don't know if that made sense or not... lol.. if it did not disregard it.. lol
But i hope all goes well.. and good luck to you in the "game" hopefully you will win :)'
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